When we talk about affairs we often talk about the couple that is involved but rarely the other woman or the other man in the triangle. Let's have a look at the emotional benefit of being the other woman or man.
There are multiple reasons to be part of an affair as opposed to engaging in a fully committed relationship:
1. Remaining independent
For some people, staying independent is very important. It can unconsciously become so overemphasized that they are continuously finding themselves attracting a man or woman who is already in a relationship and therefore partly unavailable.
2. Re-creating the physically unavailable father syndrome
Especially for women who had an unavailable father, due to long working hours, divorce, separation or disinterest in his family, they often unconsciously re-create this pattern in their love relationships. They might either choose a man who is physically not available, like in an affair or in addition to that someone who is also emotionally not there. The purpose of this is to create the opportunity to transcend this pattern and heal from the past to then be able to make your own choices based on the present, as opposed your past conditioning.
3. Fear of being seen for who they are
A committed relationship means that you have to enter into intimacy, allowing the other person to truly see you for who you are, including day-to-day stuff like chores, finances, etc. In an affair on the contrary you can avoid those potentially difficult discussions and remain 'interesting and new' over a longer period of time.
4. Keeping options open
Some people enjoy affairs because they like to keep their options open. With an affair there is less commitment because given the nature of the affair the person who has already a relationship is tied down, but not the other woman or man.
5. Commitment phobic
Let's face it; commitment brings up fears and anxieties in many people. If you are the other woman or man who has a history of serial affairs you might be more paralyzed by this fear than you are aware of. Ask yourself: What would you lose if you had to be fully committed to someone? What emotions does this bring up?
Whatever you tell yourself about why you are the third woman or man in an affair, in the end you will remain 'out there'. Especially during significant times in our lives, like Christmas or other celebrations, you will be without the person you love and you have to figure out if that's really good enough for you.
There are multiple reasons to be part of an affair as opposed to engaging in a fully committed relationship:
1. Remaining independent
For some people, staying independent is very important. It can unconsciously become so overemphasized that they are continuously finding themselves attracting a man or woman who is already in a relationship and therefore partly unavailable.
2. Re-creating the physically unavailable father syndrome
Especially for women who had an unavailable father, due to long working hours, divorce, separation or disinterest in his family, they often unconsciously re-create this pattern in their love relationships. They might either choose a man who is physically not available, like in an affair or in addition to that someone who is also emotionally not there. The purpose of this is to create the opportunity to transcend this pattern and heal from the past to then be able to make your own choices based on the present, as opposed your past conditioning.
3. Fear of being seen for who they are
A committed relationship means that you have to enter into intimacy, allowing the other person to truly see you for who you are, including day-to-day stuff like chores, finances, etc. In an affair on the contrary you can avoid those potentially difficult discussions and remain 'interesting and new' over a longer period of time.
4. Keeping options open
Some people enjoy affairs because they like to keep their options open. With an affair there is less commitment because given the nature of the affair the person who has already a relationship is tied down, but not the other woman or man.
5. Commitment phobic
Let's face it; commitment brings up fears and anxieties in many people. If you are the other woman or man who has a history of serial affairs you might be more paralyzed by this fear than you are aware of. Ask yourself: What would you lose if you had to be fully committed to someone? What emotions does this bring up?
Whatever you tell yourself about why you are the third woman or man in an affair, in the end you will remain 'out there'. Especially during significant times in our lives, like Christmas or other celebrations, you will be without the person you love and you have to figure out if that's really good enough for you.